I want to reassure you right away: you are not alone. Millions of moms around the world have the same feelings for their children.
Many people are embarrassed to talk about their emotions, and you are well done for making up your mind. Not understanding the true reasons for such a reaction, many mothers are silently tormented by a sense of their own guilt, and this only exacerbates the situation.
Let’s figure out together why there is aggression against your own baby and what to do about it.
What does the crying of a newborn mean?
Before we figure out why the crying of your own child is annoying, let’s first find out what the crying of a baby means.
Crying is a natural reaction of a newborn to external stimuli. The baby still does not know how to speak and crying is the only way for him to convey his wishes to you.
Such an expression of one’s own needs in the early stages of life is inherent in a person by nature itself – this is one of the mechanisms for protecting the human race from extinction. Otherwise, the first people who lived at the dawn of our civilization would simply disappear.
Important! Crying signals danger, that the baby feels discomfort for any reason.
Any mother will give up all her affairs at one moment, and rush to her child if she hears that he is crying.
This happens at the level of instinct, and is inherent in us genetically. Therefore, crying of a newborn is normal. You must clearly understand this and not think that your child is not like everyone else.
Causes of maternal irritation to your own baby
And now about why baby crying is so annoying. The reasons for this reaction may be as follows:
- Defensive reaction of the psyche.
Natural mechanisms, which we talked about above, are triggered. If the newborn is crying, then there is a danger from which you need to protect yourself.
And when something threatens a person, he cannot feel joy. Anger, irritation, frustration is what anyone experiences when they realize they are in danger.
2. Use of epidural anesthesia in childbirth.
She clogs the maternal instinct and does not allow natural love to turn on.
Interestingly, a study was carried out on roe deer. Animals received this type of pain relief, and then observed their behavior. The roe deer abandoned their cubs and left.
A person has a similar reaction, only we do not go to such extremes and understand with our heads that you cannot just quit and leave – this is our child and you need to take care of him. And we are faced with ambivalent feelings: love and irritation at the same time.
In this case, you are angry not only at your baby, but also at all the people around you, you do not want to do not only household chores, but also to take care of yourself elementarily.
4. Great fatigue.
We all know perfectly well that a mother has very little sleep in the first months after the birth of her baby. Irritation is a logical consequence of chronic fatigue.
From constant motion sickness and lack of sleep nights, you do not have time for much. At the same time, you understand that the responsibility lies only with you, but you cannot do anything with yourself. This translates into irritation and anger at the newborn.
How to deal with irritation?
First of all, you must understand that otherwise, except how to cry, your child cannot turn to you and tell you about his problem.
Realizing that the baby does not behave this way on purpose in order to anger you, it will be easier for you to cope with your negative emotions.
And now, specifically on the points of what to do if you are annoyed by the crying of a newborn:
- Find an opportunity to rest.
Ask your husband or other family members to take the baby for a walk while you sleep.
Important! Do not try to be an excellent student in everything: a wonderful mother and wife at the same time. Perfectionism is not appropriate here.
Nothing bad will happen if you cook semi-finished products for dinner, which will take much less time than cooking the first, second and don’t forget about the compote.
Or invite your loved one to eat in a cafe. A smart man will never reproach you for this.
Even if from the very beginning your natural maternal instinct did not turn on, then after three months of breastfeeding you will definitely feel unconditional love for your baby.
In addition, breastfeeding will prevent you from jumping up every hour to the newborn. You can sleep with him.
Believe me, a child who feels the constant presence of the mother’s breast nearby sleeps much more soundly and calmer.
- Find a person to whom you can tell, without hesitation, about all your negative feelings, who will understand you and can sincerely regret you.
Important! In any of us there is a small child who needs love. Understanding our feelings and accepting us as we are is incredible relief.
If there is no such person next to you, have pity on yourself. You are not a robot, but just a person who tends to get tired, feel irritated and angry. This is normal.
- If you feel that the cry of a newborn is annoying you more and more, and you are holding yourself back with the last bit of strength, seek the help of a professional psychologist who will help you deal with your inner world and the origins of aggression.
In such a situation, parents may quarrel. Which is not very favorable for both themselves and the baby.
- If there is no one around, and you feel that you are holding on to your last strength, so as not to break down on the baby, it is better to leave him and leave the room. Take slow, deep breaths in and out, counting to ten.
Of course, before doing this, you must take care of the safety of the child so that he does not fall and harm himself.
- Be aware of the possibility of illness. If your baby is screaming for days on end and none of your actions, including latching on to the breast, help, contact your pediatrician.
Attention ! Never yell at a baby. Children at this age do not know how to speak, but they feel great. Your raised tone will only make the situation worse.
The main thing to remember is that this period will soon pass. Your little one will learn to express their desires and feelings in a different way.
And now we need to understand that this is inevitable and take it for granted. Hug your child constantly, kiss him, let him feel that he is completely safe.
Then you will more often see a smile on his face, and not hear a plaintive cry.