How a family decides to have a second child

One cannot but rejoice at the fact of modernity when you come to the hospital and find yourself almost the only one who gives birth to the first child. You discover that all the mothers around are expecting the birth of a second, third, or even fourth (!) Baby.

You think: “And I will definitely come here more than once!” But, unfortunately, many, as soon as it comes to planning family expansion, may have various fears and doubts about their desire. These are the main obstacles in the question of how to decide on a second child.

Why does the fear of having a second child arise?

  • Mature age;

It is more difficult for a woman to decide on a second child after 35 years. And health is no longer the same, and reproductive functions are gradually fading away.

Fear is most often associated with the fact that with age, the risk of congenital abnormalities and complicated childbirth increases. Some women, moreover, do not want to be an “old” mother for their child in case they give birth late.

  • The first pregnancy was difficult;

Severe toxicosis or poor health during the period of bearing the first baby could leave their mark on the desire to give birth again (how to cope with toxicosis?

  • If the first birth was difficult;

If there is a situation of threat to the life of the baby or mother, injuries were inflicted, the woman experienced severe pain, etc., then it is highly likely that she will have a fear of becoming pregnant again.

Even a postponed caesarean section for some becomes an occasion for a long time to think about how to decide on a second birth.

  • Difficulties arising in the course of raising the first child;

Lack of experience in caring for the baby, his anxiety, health problems, with feeding, putting to bed, lack of help from loved ones – the list goes on for a long time and most important of all is how the family coped with these difficulties and what impressions were entrenched.

If you are intimidated by the prospect of difficulties in caring for a baby or you are afraid of repeating the nightmare first months after the birth of a baby.

From this course, you will learn: where to take clear and simple steps, WHAT and HOW to do with the child BEFORE YEAR, so that he is calm, sleeps well and grows independent?

  • Financial situation in the family;

Low incomes scare most parents, especially when planning children. “Will we pull it?”, “Will we be able to provide everything we need?”, “Will we end up in debt?” – approximate thoughts of moms and dads who doubt their readiness for the second and subsequent children.

  • The husband does not want a second child;

It’s very difficult when you want to, but he doesn’t. The difficulty lies in the fact that you need to understand the true reason for the unwillingness of your husband and gently influence him in order to motivate the second child.

  • Unwillingness to go on maternity leave again, stay at home for a long time;

For some women, maternity leave is a wonderful period filled with vivid emotions. Others, on the other hand, have a hard time taking a long break from work. For the latter, of course, it is more difficult to decide to find themselves in an interesting position again.

  • Self-doubt, doubts about the success of raising a baby;

“Will I be able to become an equally good mother for both babies?”, “Will I be able to correctly distribute my attention between them?” to have time for everything? ” – there can be many doubts.

How to decide to have a second child?

  1. First of all, you yourself must feel the desire to have a second child. Not “it is necessary” or “it seems like it’s time”, namely “I WANT!” Then it will be much easier to deal with fears and doubts;
  2. Reassure yourself that negative past experiences will not happen again (as they were). After all, then you were still completely inexperienced and gave birth for the first time. Now you have learned a lot and know how to act in different situations;
  3. Pay more attention to successful examples of women who have given birth to two or more children. 
  4. Try to ignore any negative information about pregnancy and childbirth from the media, from friends;
  5. Get tested, take all the necessary tests when planning a second pregnancy. So you can dispel doubts about your health and make sure that you can bear and give birth to a healthy baby;
  6. Carefully approach the choice of a medical institution for registration for pregnancy and a clinic where you will give birth to a child;

Take into account your past experience, feedback from friends and comments on the forums about various centers, maternity hospitals and medical staff. Surround yourself with maximum comfort and good specialists!

  1. Spend more time on yourself, take care of your body, rest and focus on pleasant sensations. This will allow the brain to relax, distract from negative thoughts and increase the desire to have a second child;
  2. Practice relaxation exercises (relaxation);
  • The best effect is achieved if at the same time present pleasant images, for example: you are on the shore of a warm sea and there are helpers next to you – Optimism, Self-Confidence and Benevolence;
  • And all doubts and fears float away from you along the waves on the raft;
  • You can think of any other image that inspires you. The main thing is to focus on positive emotions and voice them for yourself.

How to persuade a husband to have a second child if he does not want to?

  1. First of all, it is important to make sure that comfortable and trusting communication is established between you. Try to eliminate quarrels and omissions. Unobtrusively ask your spouse the reason why he does not want another child;
  2. Don’t give your husband a reason to doubt that you are a good mother. Surround the first baby with care (of course, this is already necessary, for no other reason), demonstrate that you will also have enough for other children;
  3. Emphasize that your spouse is a good father, praise him if he is selflessly involved in raising the baby. It will build self-confidence and strengthen your husband’s self-esteem;
  4. Watch your appearance. It is important to maintain attractiveness so that the spouse does not have the opinion: “Children take the beauty away from the wife”;
  5. Pay constant attention to your husband and stay close. Very often, when children appear, men are afraid of losing love and care from their wife;
  6. Do not be afraid that you will again have to be separated from your career for a long time. Many people manage to get involved in labor activity ahead of schedule;

Moreover, you can always engage in self-education and find yourself a remote job (there are a lot of offers for moms now). It often turns out that after a decree, a woman changes her professional sphere.

  1. If the first birth took place with the help of surgery, then it is not easy to decide on a second cesarean.

How should you proceed?

  • It is necessary to consult with your doctor (ideally, if you were seen with him in your first pregnancy);
  • Follow his recommendations and undergo examinations, according to his purpose;
  • It is important that at least 2 years have passed from the moment of birth to the onset of a new pregnancy;
  • Otherwise, the pattern of behavior is the same as after a normal birth. There are many known cases when a woman had to endure 3 cesarean sections!

If pregnancy has already begun, try to make this period as comfortable as possible for you and your baby. Imagine how he moves inside you, how he smiles and grows. He already needs your love and support. And for you – a positive attitude and a lot of energy!

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